After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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