I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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