Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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