if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
