just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
