I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
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