I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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