i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
We are two peas in an std pod
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
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