I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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