Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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