69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
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