I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
People in love make me want to vomit
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
