I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
