woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
We have so much sex to catch up on
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Randomize
