Can i not drive my cunt home
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
There was a lot of him and a little penis
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
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