Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
