just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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