I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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