it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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