Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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