Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
