Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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