Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
