Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
