I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
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