I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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