i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
