TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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