There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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