Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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