your parents love me but you hate me
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize