if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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