So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
