She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
