I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
