how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
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