How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
