i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
