My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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