Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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