took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
