would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
