Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
