It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
