How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
You're a waste of cheezeits
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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