I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
