OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
