The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
