Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Randomize
