But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Randomize
