Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
