Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
