It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
