Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
