I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
