So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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