3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
