You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
