so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
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