I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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