haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
