that's an acceptable place to lick
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
