I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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