census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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