I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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