if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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