Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
