watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize
