Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Randomize
