Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
