We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Everyone says I win the strip club
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
