I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
PANTIES FOUND
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
